I don’t wake for sunrises anymore
Don’t sit in the grass when the rain pours
I am not the woman I used to be
When I look in mirrors I don’t know which reflection
To believe
I have learned dreams are just dreams
And reality isn’t all that real
When you don’t know who’s looking back at you
The fact that you have furrowed your brow
And put your drink down
Just means you don’t know who you see either
I push my palm out to meet her
But there is always this stupid glass between us
And no phone to the right of my medicine cabinet
Her voice absent
Flesh replaced by glass that
Doesn’t give anything back
Me trying to track the moment we became strangers
We have the same eyes the same hair
But the recognition is just not there
I know her don’t I?
She wants to sit and watch planes land
Lose shoes in Mississippi mud sand
And write poems
Me I want to hold my daughter
Love her father
And write poems
Words – I use to know them
But now they are just as strange to me
As the reflection I seek out but I cannot find mine
My words or my vision
Myself or my wisdom
I chase my past
Reflections of what I remember
Warped faded pixilated
Some days she believes me when I say
I chase the fireflies of my creativity
But I won’t catch them
Can’t contain myself in Jelly jars
Sweet residue not enough to sustain them
and I couldn’t bear to let them go again
We the two ends of the same rainbow
So different but the same though
Mirrors reflect the truth of what we see
Not reality
Even if I see the sun rise in my daughters eyes
And sit at let his love fall on me
I see I am not the woman I used to be
I am better
